They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
