this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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