I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
