Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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