You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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