He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
