I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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