I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
