Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
