Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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