Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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