i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
