well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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