I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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