I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
