Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
