dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
