I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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