If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
