bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
