I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
