Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
