so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
