why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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