physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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