I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
