great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
