Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
