Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
