My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
do nipples grow back?
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