I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
