I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
