i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
