"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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