i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
