and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Let's get the cat blown out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
