some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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