Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
