oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
high people should be assigned attendants
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
