I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
