Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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