cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
