did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
