Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
