Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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