Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
