You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
