Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
