Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
