I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
