If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
